The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
