yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
