the condom got lost in my hair
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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