i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
