I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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