Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
