Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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