my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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