I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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