Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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