I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
