Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
