It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
