i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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