I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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