Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
