shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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