Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
