you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
