everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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