Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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