You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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