I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
