I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
