One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
