Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
