you have to choose: penises or morals?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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