Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
