Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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