yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
