I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
