Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
