I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
