some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
