My boss' voice literally gives me gas
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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