Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I smell stomach acid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
