i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
