When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
