Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
