The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
