She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
