Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
