You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
