I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
