i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
