I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
