Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
