there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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