she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
