i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
