So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
