New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
BRING THE BAGELS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
