george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
